Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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