I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
