but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
