If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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