when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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