If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she told me i tasted like america
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
