Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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