I have demons in me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
