she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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