just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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