sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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