i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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