ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
