The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
