his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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