He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize