Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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