i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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