Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
