oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
