I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am naked and annoyed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
