You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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