I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
