Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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