Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
