dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
