I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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