i don't like sucking hair
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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