one might say we're banned from that church
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize