so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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