What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
