Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
