They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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