just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
