Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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