I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Randomize
