At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
