I wish I could punch you in the face.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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