How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
