I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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