Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
