Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
