eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
