that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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