Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
