Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
