Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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