It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
