When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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