if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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