i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
