Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
