im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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