I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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