i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
