God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
