i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
