ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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