I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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