Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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