I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
