I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
