I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
