Sry I called you an 8
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
