the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
