I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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