apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
