dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so let's talk penis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
