He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
