Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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