hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
