love makes seman taste better
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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