Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you would pick up someone in the library
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
