i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
