check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
