Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
