I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
