No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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