if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
