I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
