you guys were way drunker than both of me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
