i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
