Cold hands, warm shart.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
