I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
