I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize