it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
