God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
