Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
