Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I AM VODKA MAN
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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