I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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