It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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