Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
