i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My balls are so social today.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
