come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
