OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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