i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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