You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's like iHOP with fire
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
