i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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