i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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